delicate constitution part 2: i've always had issues with my tongue

this blog is brought to you by the letter s

as a little girl I lisped. I also pronounced all of my r’s as w’s. this isn’t abnormal for children. since it didn’t go away by third grade, my parents decided to put me in “speech therapy.” a speech therapist employed by the school would drag me out of class and I would go to a little office to play games and work to pronounce all my letters properly. by the end of fifth grade, I was an excellent rummikub player and could successfully pronounce the letter r. by middle school, I was one of only two tweens in my class who still had to go to speech therapy because of my persistent lisp. it wasn’t at all traumatic, as the others never knew where I went and I was excused from gym on a weekly basis. eventually, the system gave up on my lisp and my inability to change. to this day, when angry or especially tired, I drop my r’s and my lisp becomes more pronounced.

on Tuesday morning I went to the dentist to get a cavity filled. I have very bad teeth. it is a legend in my family that my bad teeth are a result of my mother being pregnant with me in west germany during Chernobyl. Andrew and I haven’t had dental insurance since we got married, so we haven’t been the dentist in two years. when dental kicked in after working at the bureau for three months, I quickly made an appointment. Andrew was fine, but I had one cavity.

I strolled to the dentist Tuesday morning while listening to radio lab’s recent episode, “animal minds.” i ended up in the dental chair in a relaxed mood, thinking about how humans could communicate with whales. the dentist pulled up a chair and handed me sunglasses to “protect my eyes from the bright light.”

“wow” I thought. “that is really considerate.”

she began administering the anesthesia. almost immediately, my tongue began to go numb and the pinching, miserable pain in my jaw was echoed in my tongue.

“holy sh*t…it feels like she poked the needle through my tongue…”

after about thirty seconds, the pain became unbearable and tears began to stream uncontrollably down my face.

“don’t worry, I’m halfway through. I am going slow so it doesn’t hurt as bad.”

when she was finished, she began to put my chair back up right.

“wait, wait! I’m going to pass out! please put the chair back down.” it was so traumatic I almost fainted. which isn’t that abnormal, to be honest.

she continued on with the procedure, and I left the office an hour later.

by noon the anesthesia had worn off in my lips and jaw, and my tooth began to ache. weird, my tongue was still numb. by six pm, my tongue was still numb. by the next morning, twenty four hours after getting the anesthesia, my tongue was still numb!

I called the dentist. she didn’t speak to me. the receptionist informed me that it should wear off in about five days. I didn’t believe her, and looked it up online. that’s where I first heard about the sub lingua nerve and permanent nerve damage caused by dental work. I called my parents, and freaked out! they called their dentist, who remembered me and talked them through it. she most likely went through my sub lingua nerve, which is why the anesthesia was so painful. the pain was her damaging my nerve. if I’m lucky, it will recover in one to two months. if I’m not lucky, it could take up to two years.

it feels like I am licking a battery, or that there are little evil gnomes electrocuting the left side of my tongue every time I move it.

surprisingly, this makes me eat more. maybe chips will make it feel better. no? maybe chocolate. no? maybe mint chocolate. still not better…maybe a bratwurst. hmmm, still feels bad. I should drink a couple glasses of diet coke. nope, still hurts…hey, what about veggie straws? half a bag later, I feel like vomiting and my tongue still hurts.