this is not a joni mitchell or counting crows tribute

I’ve been sick the past couple of days. It is miserable, especially since the weather is so nice out. Actually, I think it is the nice weather that is at the root of my illness. I always get sick in the spring. Last year it was during my spring break. This year, I am so lucky I don’t have a spring break! It would surely have been ruined by my sickness.

Speaking of things that make you sick, Andrew and I watched this documentary the other night with some friends.

It was intense. I think it upset me more than anyone because I don’t have the self righteousness of being vegan or vegetarian to stand on. Sure, I love dolphins and mammals of the sea. I would never eat one and I would never hurt one. But cows, pigs, chickens, lamb, and pretty much any mammal or bird of the earth that isn’t a rodent? Yes, please! And if it’s cooked Korean style, I’ll have thirds!!

I grew up a vegetarian. When I was pretty young, my mom decided that the meat industry was evil and horrible and that we shouldn’t support it. During my most formidable years I only ate vegetation. It wasn’t just an ideology imposed on me by parents. I believed in being a vegetarian. I believed in living a life that didn’t depend on other living things being tortured and dying.

For some reason, living abroad in a country where people routinely starve made me lose most of my ideology. So, I ate animals and didn’t care. I didn’t recycle and didn’t care. I didn’t pray and didn’t care. I came home to Andrew a meat eater, and Andrew came home to me caring about poverty. It was a strange turn of events, so we decided to get married.

Living in Cambridge, among the most idealistic people in the country, has helped me realize I should care. So we recycle, we go to church, we buy homeless people at Burger King a double Whopper. That’s right, we still eat meat. Part of the reason is b/c of Andrew. Part of the reason is because I’m lazy. Part of the reason is because I still am skeptical of idealism and the impact of an individual.

Then we watched The Cove. It was my idea, because I love dolphins and I also kind of like making myself feel depressed. As we watched it, I realized that not only do we kill mammals of the sea with little regard to their lives, we commit atrocious acts in the name of “living” all of the time. The very existence of humanity rests on the complete destruction of ALL living things, not just things with a heartbeat. We are huge bulldozers that destroy the paradise that God created for us. We attribute our existence, and the existence of the world to God, but we have done such a very terrible job of taking care of the earth, of living peacefully with the most incredible manifestation of God’s existence. Our lives depend somewhat on destruction. But we take it to a new level, we enjoy destroying, conquering. Dolphins are just a PG 13 version of what we do to each other and every other living thing on the planet.

I am no longer ok with being a creature of destruction. I’m just not sure it’s possible to change.